I saw you lying
in a hospital bed
with my own eyes
on my way down
the long corridor
that leads me to you
I pass by each doorway
someone else held inside each
with a story just like yours
they ask me
how my night went
and I say it was uneventful
I was just staring
at the wires hanging off
every inch of your body
I thought you only see
the green line moving up and
down in the movies
but I saw it last night
I try hard to fight it
but you see my tears
and you tell me
I would only be crying
If I loved you a little
and for the first time
I tell you you're right
maybe I do, just a little
I lie down on my side
and no one sees the tear
that has just rolled
down my cheek
and fallen onto
the plastic, sterile couch
where I lie for hours
into the night
My favorite line from this poem is "I thought you only see
ReplyDeletethe green line moving up and
down in the movies
but I saw it last night". As a reader I can tell this poem is close to your heart by the way you use your words to describe you crying.
I really liked the way you set up the poem in the beginning by giving context as to where you were. I could really feel and tell there were a lot of emotions in this poem and it came out through your writing. I really liked the part where you said "maybe I do, just a little," because I think that part was really cute and emotional and it added extra depth to the poem.
ReplyDeleteHuh, this is interesting... This poem has a strong message, it evokes an experience that we all are likely to have at some point in our lives. I appreciate this line:
ReplyDelete"I pass by each doorway
someone else held inside each
with a story just like yours"
It broadens the view of this poem. Instead of it simply being you and the person who is in bed, you bring others into it.
Good job with the image that connects directly to the poem.
My favorite aspect of this poem is how you incorporate the tone and set the mood for the the topic so nicely. It gives the reader a sense of what the subject is experiencing/feeling. I also loved the enjambment you used throughout the stanzas; it added to the flow of the poem. My favorite line is, "I thought you only saw the green line moving up and down in the movies" because it is really relatable and touching.
ReplyDeleteHello, this poem made me quite sad. That being said, I think it's quite brave for you to put forth something so emotional and moving.
ReplyDeleteI really like how the poem opens acknowledging that other people have had similar stories: "someone else held inside each / with a story just like yours". It forces the reader into a different, more empathetic mindset, possibly even thinking about one of their own similar experiences.
ReplyDelete