My grandmother used to watch a
red ocean in the night sky
through her telescope lens
Her hands had never touched the
footsteps across black sands.
But she recalls Allah’s good hands
how they clasped at the rocks
and constructed her masjid from their dust.
a mental masquerade.
The wind waltzed with
all the children
in her arms
turning mountains
into sand
dunes
statues of father
fractured
a crooked nose
covered
in piles of sand
Ashes to
ashes
whispered
the ingrate
dark wings
and
wired fingers
clutched
The lens
of her
telescope
blurred.
Hmm... This is interesting. I think that you made good use of enjambment here, you use line breaks very creatively. My favorite line, I would think to be: "blurred.", this final line leaves an image of the disorientation and fogging of the mind that Alzheimer's can cause, and really serves to create a strong ending. I think the picture is very nice too.
ReplyDeleteObviously your use of enjambment is great, but I also really loved the way you used imagery and descriptions that made your poem come to life. My favorite line is "The wind waltzed with/ all the children/ in her arms" because the personification of that line is really beautiful to me.
ReplyDeleteI like the figurative language in the first stanza and how the line breaks get shorter and shorter as the poem goes on, kind of like how ashes float away. My favorite line is "a mental masquerade" because it has nice alliteration and a meaningful message.
ReplyDelete