The Queen Falls

I’m standing in the kitchen

It’s the moment, I decide.

The moment when I symbolically break free from the tyranny.

Queen Talia

The dictator.

For 12 years

I lived in fear of making her mad,

My sister,

My built-in best friend,

If I made her mad she’d yell,

or worse

Ignore me,

Some best friend.

I turn to her.

I say it

The words I’d never said but always imagined

“I’m not afraid of you anymore”

I turn on my heel,

I leave. I’m flying.

Back in the kitchen,

I hear my sister, my parents, laughing 
at me.

I come back, I laugh too

I roll my eyes at myself, brushing it off,

Pretending like I was, acting, joking

like I didn’t mean it.  

Like I didn’t spend months,

Years,

Envisioning this moment

Daydreaming of my dramatic declaration.

I smile, laugh

we move on.

But in my head, my free, flying self,

Crashes.

I never got my moment

My long imagined declaration of bravery and self-worth

ended up being more of an anticlimactic awkwardness.

But we’re friends now.

Built-in best friends.

So it’s okay.