Lie Down
lie down on the warm cement
and observe
a velvet blanket studded with gems
an archer, a bear, a dipper that run across
the infinite sky
do you still remember the stars?
lie down on the warm cement
and let darkness envelop you
so even if pearls trickle from your eyes
let them fall freely and
no one will know
no one will see
lie down on the warm cement
and dream these days away
reach out and grasp the lingering
strands of childhood happinesses,
faint and fleeting, taste the sweet honey of
old wishes laced with bitter unfulfillment
do you still remember our castles and princesses?
lie down on the warm cement
stare at your scarred hands
and listen to your scarred heart
pounding wearily in your cracked glass body
do you still remember its beat?
lie down on the warm cement
and wait for headlights to come racing
illuminating the door to
another world
will you remember me?
Natalie! This poem is really good, my favorite part is the third stanza, it is very well written. I think this poem has a really important message, and you wrote this poem very beautifully. Good job!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is really deep and thoughtful; the glance at suicide in the second to last stanza is really deep and talks about the issues with teen suicide.
ReplyDeleteThis poem is so good, I think you wrote it in such a creative way! It also shows such an important message that you told beautifully!!
ReplyDeleteThis poem is deep! I like how you used repetition to emphasize certain lines/phrases.
ReplyDeleteNatalie, this is so good! My favorite part is the message and the beauty of the writing too! It seems as though you were able to use the repetition as more than repetition because it was used in such a creative and different way that made your poem really great!
ReplyDeleteThis is so good! My favorite aspect of the piece is the repetition you used throughout the poem with "lie down". You incorporated it beautifully, and the whole poem works together really well which is different from others which seem kind of broken up.
ReplyDeleteI like how you used enjambed to emphasize your poem and it's message
ReplyDeleteI love the repetition in the poem, mainly in "lie down on the warm cement." It paints a picture, as do other lines like "a velvet blanket studded with gems, an archer, a bear, a dipper that run across the infinite sky." I think this is a really creative and beautiful way to describe constellations and it is a great use of imagery as well. I also like the sad, nostalgic tone. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI really really like the tone and imagery of this poem! My favorite line was "taste the sweet honey of old wishes laced with bitter unfulfillment" because of the beautiful imagery and the contrast between the sweet past and the bitter present was so good.
ReplyDeleteI love this poem! Beautiful imagery, beautifully written.
ReplyDelete