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“You’re just feeling a little homesick.”
“You should be thankful you get these opportunities and experiences.”
“Are you actually sick or are you just having another incident?”
“You’re 16 Mia, grow up.”
It becomes harder and harder to take breaths.
I’m strangling myself without even touching my neck,
My body cannot take it.
The room caves in,
And my legs will not stop shuffling.
I lie awake shaking and nervous
With a pounding headache from not eating or drinking for three days.
The light in the bathroom is flickering and
No I’m not imagining it.
I need,
To go home.
Anxiety is that one person in the group who never wants to do anything.
Anxiety is the person who follows me around telling me,
“Those girls over there were giving you a look!”
Anxiety is the annoying therapist my mom sends me to that tells me to take
Loooong,
Deeeeep breaths whenever I,
“Feel that feeling.”
Anxiety is convinced the flight attendants have a look of fear and the plane is coming down.
Anxiety is frantically searching my drawers at 1 am for nothing.
Anxiety,
Anxiety has no boundaries.
The only way I know how to overcome this bully is by pretending it’s not there.
When people ask me why I left the sleepover early I say I wasn’t feeling well.
When people ask me if I bite my nails I lie and say no I cut them that short.
When people ask me why I’m always late I shrug and say my alarm didn’t go off,
When in truth it’s because when I wake up, anxiety wakes up too and
I can’t bear another day being followed by something that’s bigger than me,
That I can't tell to leave me alone.
I can’t bear another day being followed by something that’s bigger than me,
That I can't tell to leave me alone.
Because every day I feel like the conductor of a train
That’s approaching a cliff.
And the instructions manual
Is missing pages.
Is missing pages.
I love the title of your poem, I think it fits the message perfectly. Really evocative and moving.
ReplyDeleteI love the personification of anxiety and the line "when I wake up, anxiety wakes up too." It is very relatable as a person with anxiety :)
ReplyDeleteThis was so beautifully written. You allowed yourself to be really vulnerable with the poem and I applaud that.
ReplyDeleteI think the final stanza of your poem was really good and it completely embodies the theme of the poem. The comparison between a missing manual and not knowing how to proceed is very interesting
ReplyDeleteThis is an amazing poem. I could really relate to it as I was reading. The main line that struck me was the last one where it said, " And the instructions manual / Is missing pages."
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