What No One Sees

I may seem

Confident

In myself,

Act like I know

What I’m doing

Understand every step I take,

But I don’t.

Things are never as

they seem

I mask my

Uncertainness

Because,

The truth is,

I am completely lost.

On my life journey,

I fell off the beaten path

Wandering into unknown terrain,

Surrounded by scenery

But instead of admiring the beauty

Of the nature around me,

I lose my balance and trip on my own two feet

Falling down an uncovered rabbit hole

Becoming as mad as a hatter as I go

Mad, crazy,

Obsessed,

With my every move

Is it good enough for me

For my college, my job

My future?

Because to me, every move counts

Every grade, action, even breath

Counts

And it drives me insane

Under too much pressure

That I place on myself

Like building blocks, stacking higher and higher

And I cry

I am not alone, my friend cries too

She tells me how she was up all night

With tallies on her arms and wrists

Counting the number of days she’s felt this way

Causing me to cry even more

As my tears form pools around me, my anxiety turns the calm waters into a tsunami

And I promise myself that my stress will never come to this

That I will be able to save myself from the misery I see her go through

So every chance I have,

I focus on the good

The bright, the beautiful

In everything

And I pause and look at the scenery

And I invite her to do so as well

The two of us

Broken,

Shattered,

Pieces of what we once were

For once, being able to stop

And enjoy life for what it is