balance

as of late,

my life has become a balancing act.

I come home each night with a pounding head

and a chest that seems to squeeze tighter with every passing day.

I hold on with gritted teeth,

longing for the break I so desperately need:

forty-eight hours away from concrete buildings and number two pencils.

and as I find myself calculating the assignments I can pass up on

in order to be able to wake up the next morning

I start to remember last year.

I remember how I allowed myself to be drowned underneath

stress,

expectations,

and self-loathing.

I remember the nights I went to sleep with a growling stomach,

a head that felt like soup,

and stinging eyes.

I tell myself that will never happen again.

I take the advice I always spew at others.

I treat myself,

and my education,

the right way.

with balance,

and with care.

a light heart and a calm mind.

I still feel myself being dragged away sometimes

but that’s okay.

I’m still trying to find a balance.